I used to be worried about how kids would react to Davy. Not that they would make fun of her cuz she's a baby and wouldn't care. I was more worried for them. Is that weird? I always try to explain to kids before they see her. I explain what a cleft is and how to not to be afraid to ask questions etc. For the most part I find kids don't care. Some are drawn to her even more, Like June here.
Last week we had a play date with a boy that had never seen Davy and I forgot to "explain" her cleft. He walked past her and yelled" the baby!"My SIL, Nan thought Davy was falling out of the stroller or something. But then the boy said. "That baby's nose is sucking her lip up into her face!" I started laughing, I don't know why I thought it was so funny. I guess it's cuz that is exactly what it looks like. And kids just call it how they see it. He wasn't being mean, just honest. So what do you think? Is better to explain to kids or let them come to me with their questions?
14 comments:
Hi Ruth! We used to be in the Acacia Park ward together and we ran into one another at Gabba Gabba about two years ago when my daughter Katie was on the show. I recently came across your blog and I have been following it ever since. I just have to tell you that I think you are awesome and Davy is a doll!
With Katie I have found that I am so grateful for the "Junes" in her life. There are so many kids that naturally want to help and love and be kind than those that don't.
Raising a child with "extra's" as I call it is such a special experience. super hard, but super special.
You take care! You are awesome!
I love that story...kids are so honest. I think it is good to do both. Explain and let them ask the questoins
Definitely explain it to them. It makes them feel like they CAN ask questions. Not all children will be forthright in saying how they feel and especially as they get older they don't know how to deal with kids with differences. When you acknowledge it and open the discussion for them, they feel safer in being able to understand it and talk about it. You did it with Xoe and Xanthe before Davy was even born and look how many questions they asked...and they weren't even scared of any of it. I think your approach is perfect.
I have a son with special needs...he is 19 now and trust me, we have has all kinds of reactions. I think its good to explain if given the chance, but I have always encouraged kids/adults to ask any question they like...it won't hurt my feelings or make me mad. What bothers me the most is when we are out & about, and a child stares or asks "whats wrong" with my son, and their mom quickly grabs them and walks away.RUDE! I always welcome questions...they are curious. Taylor just laughs when we get a strange/rude reaction...i, sometimes get irritated...but he just giggles. Ah, if we could all just have his attitude ! He doesn't think there is anything "wrong" with himself...he is just a little different...and I love that about him !
Big hugs to you and your beautiful lil Davey !
Hi there. While my story is different than yours, I too have a little sweet faced girl who looks a bit different. She has a hemangioma above her lip. She is 18 months old now and in those short 18 months I have learned so much! About life, love, people and mostly about myself. To answer your question I'd say that I wouldn't offer any explanation at first. To me that makes it seem as if I am saying hey - here's my kid and this is what's wrong with her. When, really, this is just the way it is. I wait until a child asks a question and then I usually say the same thing "it's just the way she got made". On top of letting these other kids know that differences are ok it has taught my older kids so much about acceptance. My boys will now say to me things about others and tell me that this is just the way that they got made. LOL Of course, sometimes I want to run away with her and hide and cry and yell and scream. But, I don't. I hold my head high and hope that I am teaching her to do the same. Your Davy is precious - she is lucky to have you for a Mama. XOXO!
I would explain a bit, and let the questions rolls! The picture of June and Davy is so cute!
Hi! I'm new to your blog through cjane and thought I'd answer your question. I have a now fifteen year old daughter with special needs and two typical boys, aged nine and eleven. I have always found that it's best to answer kids' questions honestly and age-appropriately when they come up. Most kids are not judgmental (unless their parents are!) and just want to know what's up. I've found that then they move on. The really wonderful ones are drawn to my daughter -- I think they're special in that way. I think the worst is when kids and adults stare or look away -- far worse than coming right out and asking.
Your daughter is beautiful and I look forward to following your blog!
thank you ruth. i really love davy i like the picture. i want to baby sit her love june berrett
I agree with many of the comments. I think in some cases it is best to explain it first, knowing the kid. Then also in some cases, ask the child the questions. Like Eliza, I could see her mind was whirling as she was staring at the picture of Davy. So when I asked her she had simple questions like does it hurt her, how does she eat, etc. Things I wouldnt think to tell her first. Its been nice to read your comments on your blog and see how you are touching peoples lives. Makes blogging all the more motivating! Your doing a great job!
I think that it's so great you're willing to explain it to them. I think if you simply say to them that they might have noticed that her lip looks a little different, tell them why and then ask if they have any questions. That way you've given them the honest information.
I think most kids are just curious and you want to communicate that Davy's cleft isn't a secret or something that can't be talked about.
Hi Ruth -
I (like so many others!) found your blog through cJane. What a lovely family you have! I had to reach out because I was born with a cleft like Davy and I can only imagine how scared you must be feeling right now. She is going to be just fine and grown up even more beautiful than you could have even imagined! I can't say the road will always be easy - the 7 surgeries I had to repair my cleft were tough and middle school can be a nightmare for girls even if you aren't a little bit different. By the time I got to college most people didn't seem to notice my scars or slightly crooked nose (and I looked just like Davy as a baby.) I'm 30 now and for the most part look "normal" - when I mention I was born with a cleft to people they usually say they had never noticed my scars. If you ever want to chat about any of the steps Davy is facing or any issues down the road please just send me an e-mail! Having a cleft is a bummer but also provides a lot of moments of laughter - bionic fake front teeth and the ability to rocket-shoot liquids out of my nose. Gross, but funny. :) She's going to do great! SadaS123@hotmail.com
Davy is such a darling baby. But you already knew that. :)
kids are great and they will fit into any situation... as you become more comfortable with davy, they will too.. keep up the great work... ox :)
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