Monday, September 13, 2010

The well is dry

It's official, I'm done in pumping. Or should I say my boobs(did I just say boobs?!) are done pumping. I had a goal to make it to at least 6 months, and at 5 and 1/2 months I was basically pumping air from my body. I have tried E V E R Y T H I N G. My last resort was a drug called domperidone, it worked for a while and then suddenly stopped working. This saddens me deeply. I would pump until Davy was 20 if I could. It's been a week now since I last pumped and I keep asking Scott," should I try again? Maybe I can get to work now." Scott thinks I'm crazy. I know this cuz I asked him, "do you think I'm crazy?" And he answered a quick yes. Not even a courtesy pause, like he at least had to think about it. Just yes. Which, duh Scott, every husband knows you are suppose to say NO!! Even if you wife is crazy. SO now I am on the streets trying to hustle for breast milk. I have 3 amazing women who have been helping me out here and there. They are my la leche league. Thanks my lovely milk producing ladies! You know I love you.


P.s. I also have a friend who is the courier of the gold, Thanks to you Suzy. You are more then awesome.

32 comments:

AZ Larsens said...

Hi, I'm new to reading your blog.

Just thought I'd comment, I also "lost" my milk with my last 2 babies. I tried everything too, and it was SO hard for me to accept! (my husband thought I was crazy too)

Your kids are adorable!

Wordfiend said...

Please know (I hope you already do) that the most important things you are giving sweet Davy are your loving arms and your tender kisses.

Stephanie said...

haha! "Until she is 20."

Maybe your husband thinks you're crazy but you are also surely his favorite. :)

I've heard how hard pumping is and 5 1/2 months is OUTSTANDING. It's also great that you have some friends willing to share with you. True bosom buddies.

(sorry. had to.)

Dari said...

I had to come out of the woodwork for this one because I can completely understand how you feel. I lost my milk at 5 months with my little girl and like you, I tried soo many things to try and build it back up, to no avail. It is hard to accept. But just remember how hard you tried and that you did everything you could. That is worth a lot :)

Love your blog and reading about your fun family!

Damaris said...

You could either feel really guilty about it or not. I think you should choose not. That's what I choose a couple months ago when my milk supply collapessed with a horrible fungal infection.

Have you heard of Mamapundit? It's a blog. Well its a blog written by Katie Granju who is knows as a lactationist or something like that. Basically the women dedicated her life to advocating breast milk. Now she's had her 4th child and she really truelly had no milk. She came out public about it in the NY times and apologized to all the others whom she scolded and her many many articles written against formula. Her 18 year old son was killed a couple weeks before her baby was born. I'm sure that didn't help her milk supply. Basically the women has gone through hell.

We all go through our challenges. You are a wonderful mom as is Katie and sometimes I'm not too bad either and now we formula feed our babies.

That's life and you have enough on your plate to worry about it too much.

Jessica said...

You crack me up! I always look forward to reading your blogs!

Susie Demke said...

My pleasure. I just hope no one at the office mistakes them for otter pops or something.
Besides, I would certainly rot in he!! if I refused deliver milk to a BABY;)

c jane said...

Oh Man. I wish we could ship from Utah. I make the dairy cows feel ashamed. That is not bragging, you saw what I have to haul around . . .

Kebeni said...

this is the first time I have read your blog but I think you are awesome. When so many women out there complain and/or choose not to give their baby the best they should take note from mums like you. You have very lucky children :)

We Don't Mean to Brag said...

A new visitor referred from CJane this morning. Funny post! Sorry to hear about your boobs : )

Good luck with every little thing.

Rochelleht said...

Just popped over from CJane's lovely post about you. I guess I'm going to have to be a new stalker. Hope you don't mind. I'm also in 'the club'. Welcome. It's the bestest club EVAH! When you're not crying, that is. ;-) Just spent some lovely time reading about your sweet fam. You guys really are a-dang-dorable. Davy's clothes have me in a jealous mess. You Cali girls have some style, I'll tell ya!

Anyway, I'll stop gushing. Just loved reading your adventures. Hope you don't mind. I have two special needs boys, so I do totally get the hospitals, etc. It's tough, but SUCH a blessing.

And, I DO remember spilling my pumped milk and crying crying crying. Man, those were tough days. Seriously, I could go on and on. Nursing a special needs baby is HARD!

I'm done... ;-)

Cape Cod Rambling Rose said...

I'm a new visitor to your blog - I'm here via CJane! You and your sweet family look like the epitome of joy! (I also "dried up" while breastfeeding two of my four babies - I thought I'd done something wrong and that I was alone in this...until I read this post and your comments; good for you to have milk donors -- that's wonderful!!!)

The {G} Family said...

I remember my "quitting" moment vividly. Gosh is it hard! I hope you'll feel better about it soon. My sweet girl is 21 months and I still have pangs of guilt. I guess Mommy guilt never ends... Hugs to you!

stephanie joy said...

awww... hugs to you. but serious pats on the back too! 5.5 months exclusively pumping?! major kudos to you. i'm a hardcore breastfeeder, but pumping, meh... hate it! plus, i'm always one with a smaller supply of milk. so i'm sure if i was an exclusive pumper, i would have been dry by about 2 months. you did great!!! now, if you can get it from some really, really good friends... that's great too. :) my best friend gave me some of her milk b/c it was way fatter than mine and my baby gained like 3 x's the amount in a month when i supplemented with her milk! ha ha ha ha! ok... this is getting sidetracked. just wanted to say congrats on the 5.5 months. you did fab! just think, you don't need to hook up anymore! ;)

tristan said...

Dude. 5 and a half months is a long time! I pumped and nursed for a good 4 or 4 and a half months and then there was no more. My boobs deflated and returned to their sad pancake-y selves.
I think it's awesome that you're outsourcing now that you can't make it anymore. Every little bit she can get will only be better for her.
I'm Tristan, by the way. I like your blog. :)

Karen said...

I have been losing my milk supply for months now. After giving birth, I was seriously thinking of donating to a milk bank! Then, after returning to work, my milk supply dropped dramatically. I was barely making enough. I was totally relieved once my baby started to eat some solid foods. It meant that she wasn't relying totally on me anymore.

I have been taking Reglan for 3 months just to keep up enough milk for to have one bottle a day. I have to pump twice at work and once at night just have some for my husband to give her during the day while I am gone.

When I first noticed the drop in supply I was totally crushed. I thought I was going to be one of those people that nursed until others made fun of me nursing so long. I scoffed at people who automatically gave their babies formula. But now I understand how hard it really is.

Our babies are going to be just as happy even if we can't give them our milk. They just want our snuggles, kisses, and hugs. :)

Mrs.Dr.Shot said...

You did a fabulous job keeping up as long as you did. (I'm currently in the midst of a 2nd bout of mastitis with a 3 week old baby and some days I WISH I'd just dry up.) Excellent work.

Mrs.Dr.Shot said...

And here is a P.S.

I thought of your Davy last weekend when we made a quick getaway trip to St. George. I'm nursing the little one and we're gorging on shakes at Iceburg, and smiling at the cute blonde kids in the next booth. Cute parents too - Dad is on the phone doing a business deal but still smiling and helping with the kiddos. He's rugged and handsome. Then I see it. He has a scar on his lip, up to his nose. A clefty! I couldn't even tell at first (he WAS cute) and I so wanted to reach out and call you and say "I just saw this cute dad with three kids and a perfecty-bouncy wife and a big truck and an iphone and designer shoes and he looks wonderful!" but then I realized that I didn't have your phone number and didn't actually know you and that it might creep you out anyhow. So, here's a note instead.

Best of luck to you and Davy and the entire family in the future. Things are going to be great.

Jen

Alli Easley said...

I just had Lola, my 6th and I dried up as well. I cried and cried and cried but really, babies on formula grow up to be healthy people. I was a formula baby, my sisters were breast fed, and they're the ones with tubes in their ears and pneumonia growing up while I was a bouncy little healthy blonde, running around in a little swimsuit on Newport Beach! Rest assured, you're a good mom. You did what you could plus a billion times more. ♥

Noni said...

Hi, I am new to your blog--thanks for a great intro by CJane. What an awesome wife and mother you are! I have had friends who have had success with blessed thistle to stimulate milk production. You could also call Dave's health and nutrition at (801) 483-9024 for other ideas. They can mail what you need if you would like to give it a try!

Good Luck and God Bless,

Elisabeth said...

Hi, new here. I struggled with supply and health issues with my last baby. I was able to get donor milk through http://milkshare.birthingforlife.com/

I was able to find a few local mom's that gave me the greatest gift.

Bri!!! said...

I so wish I was breastfeeding right now...ugh. I would donate in a heartbeat. You are a rockstar for finding women to donate milk. Think of all those different antibodies baby Davy is getting. GOOD LUCK!

jordan said...

My son was born with a cleft lip in February and I just finished pumping last month. Even though I had hoped to go longer I'm surprised what a relief it is to so stop. If I ever have to clean a pump part again the rest of my life I'll shoot myself.

Malissa Cordova said...

I am also new to your blog. I followed Cjane's links. Your story is amazing..you are an incredibly strong woman! Your boys are very handsome and I can't get over that your husband created Yo gabba gabba! I have a 21 month old and he LOVES that show! We eat, sleep and breathe it! We can't watch anything else...just "abba!!" lol

Anyways...your lucky you have friends that keep the gold milk aflowing for Davy! Keep plugging along! I love your blog and am amazed with your story!

Kara said...

I can relate! I am at 9 months with our special needs baby and tired of pumping but glad I still can. Wishing you strength for today.

Bella♥ said...

5.5 months is quite a nice amount of time. I hope you realize how much good you've done for your daughter in that amount of time. Sure longer would be nice. But think of all the other good things you can do for her. For me, ending nursing was a little sad even when it ended at a year. It is just letting go of that part and moving to the next phase with the child. But you and Davy have so much to look forward to -- you are an awesome mom!

christina77 said...

I "quit" pumping when my daughter turned 4 mos - about 3 weeks ago. My milk supply was never great, and dropped down to hardly anything when I went back to work at the beginning of August. I was on Reglan for about a week - but it made me feel a little dizzy and tired and the minute I stopped taking it my supply was back down to just about nothing. I was lucky to get one bottle a day. My daughter got a LOT more breastmilk than my son did. I was a lot more persistent this time...but you know what? My little boy is as smart as a whip and funny as heck, and no amount of breastmilk would have changed who he is, I don't think. You gave it a PHENOMENAL effort. Don't feel guilty! You did a great job.

Ashley said...

I always have WAY too much milk. I usually consider it a blessing, except for when I'm weaning and can't get rid of it!

I saw you on Cjane's blog and immediately said to myself "umm, why does she look SO familiar?!" I even showed my husband, who never remembers anyone, and he said that you and your husband look familiar. I'm thinking maybe we were in the same ward when we lived in Southern California. Were you in the Acacia Park ward in 2002-2003? It's driving me crazy trying to place you....so please respond :)

Ashley said...

Glad that is settled! We left at the end of 2003 too. We weren't in the optometry school - I was working in Fullerton and my husband was going to UC Irvine. Wow, now we can say we used to know the creator of Yo Gabba Gabba - my kids love that show!

Finn said...

I would totally give you my milk but at this point, I think my boobs will only give out powder milk/dust and cobwebs.. ;)

I love your blog by the way and your cute family

Lechelle said...

So sorry you have to quit, but YAY for you for making it 5 1/2 months! That is fantastic!

I'm on domperidone myself and I'm super lucky it worked for me. I had to induce lactation because i adopted. I was solely breastfeeding the first three months, then I had to add in formula, and now we are a 50/50 mix. I'm praying to last as long as possible but it's a challenge.

So happy you have ladies supporting you and donating milk, that is so nice.

Carrie Mc W said...

Visiting from CJane. I'm in the OC and nursing still so if you need a couple extra ounces, let me know. You have a lovely family and I'm so glad you are writing the blog.